What advice to give newlyweds?
“You are doing what is vitally important to the Church in our day. We love you for that and for your faithfulness in pressing forward with what is most important to all of us.”
Adolescence seemed like it took forever to get through. I think it was that way for most people who started dating. Then we get a bit older and start looking for the “one”. Sometimes it comes soon, sometimes not, but when it comes, it is no small event.
We dream of wedding dresses, flowers, rings, and honeymoons. We spend money and time on planning elaborate events to celebrate with friends and family. Enamored couples tend to take special care of their appearance and show good behavior in the dating and courtship phase. That’s why it is such a fun time.
What advice should we give couples in this short chapter of their lives? Firstly, I would encourage them to enjoy the time of planning and preparing which passes too quickly. Try not to overwhelm yourselves with everything there is to do. The wedding date will come whether you’re stressed or at peace. Focus on keeping yourselves worthy to enter the temple. Temptations will come before making such an important covenant.
The first little while after marriage is wonderful. It is a time of getting to know one another at a deeper level. It is called the honeymoon phase because everything is sunshine, rainbows, and flowers. One day you will wake up to dirty socks on the floor, spilled food on the carpet and undone chores. It can feel a bit disheartening when you realize that all the “in love” feelings have somehow changed to ordinary days like you had before you were even dating. That doesn’t mean you have to be bummed about it. Marriage is what you make of it. You can enjoy the everyday grind as well. Here are some suggestions to keep it positive.
- Put God first and pray for your spouse; ultimately, the most important relationship is between you and Heavenly Father.
- Pray and study scriptures together; the Holy Ghost can work miracles in a faith-filled marriage.
- Do service together when possible. This will help you feel positive and grateful in your own circumstances. Don’t forget to play together, too! Make time for fun, it doesn’t have to cost money.
- Don’t let desires for material wealth overcome good judgment. You don’t need to keep up with the Joneses. I promise that the Joneses have worked hard for a long time to be able to purchase some of the finer things. Your time will come.
- Be prayerful about bringing children into your family. Starting a family should not be put off until after education or until you are in better circumstances however, there are sometimes things that need to be counseled with the Lord. He will bless righteous couples who are bringing the Lord’s mighty spirits to the earth.
In February of 2019, President and Sister Oaks visited young married couples in the Chicago area. He said, “You are the rising generation and you are raising the next generation,” said President Dallin H. Oaks at a Saturday devotional for young marrieds. “You are doing what is vitally important to the Church in our day. We love you for that and for your faithfulness in pressing forward with what is most important to all of us.” 1
- Don’t ever speak negatively of your spouse to anyone else. That will only reinforce your need for justification that you have somehow been wronged. Look at your spouse with charity and compassion. After all, we are all traveling the same road to eternity and it is filled with potholes and bumps.
- Make open communication a priority. As a spouse and parent, you will be having discussions you never even considered before. Be willing to talk about any possible topic because you will have to address some hard things at some point. Make sure there is space to communicate, and when you do, always seek the Lord’s help first.
Eternal marriage is a worthy goal and knowing how our enemy wants to destroy it, we must work harder than ever to fortify our families and homes and stay on the straight and narrow path to our Heavenly Father.